An interview with Mike

So... Mike saw that our friends over at the Egypt4 blog did an interview a while back with Mr. Four. And since then, Mike has been agitating for an interview here. Every day, he says: "Cindy, when do I get my interview? Mr. Four got an interview. I want an interview, too."

Of course, when I ask him what he wants to be interviewed about, he has no idea. But he knows he DOES want an interview. So here goes:

Q: What is it like to be a dad to Maya in Egypt?

Mike: Being a dad to Maya is mostly a lot of fun. Mostly I just feel like I am an entertainment prop. Since I've barely been anyone's dad anywhere other than Cairo or East Jerusalem, I don't really know how to compare it to much else. But I guess one thing I would say is that to be a dad in Cairo is probably not that different from being a dad anywhere else. We get up in the morning. We spend an hour or so together. Then I go to work. I try to get home by 5:30 or 6 p.m. We have dinner together, play together and then we go through the trials of bedtime. Then we go through the same thing the next day. I am sure that would be the same no matter where we lived.

Q: What is your favorite part?

Mike: My favorite part of being a dad in Egypt, in general terms, is that I think Maya is really going to grow up to be a citizen of the world. Because every day she is around people from East Africa, Spain, England and of course the Arab world, as well as being raised by American parents. Of course, the availability of an Ethiopian and Eritrean community here for her that she is kind of an honorary member of is just a huge advantage. I don't think I realized in advance how great it would be. I now wouldn't want to move to a country that didn't have an Ethiopian community that we and she could access.

Q: What is your least favorite part?

Mike: That Egyptians in general are obsessed by skin color, racist against black people, have no understanding of adoption and generally are not open to the idea that different cultures might have some value. That's the worst part. I know that our family stands out no matter where we go in the world. And I don't actually mind that at all. I don't mind being looked at per se, but I do mind that when we are looked at here, people don't just think negative things but say them out loud. And now Maya is getting to the age where she will understand soon. People cannot seem to stop themselves from commenting on the "exoticness" of Maya or on her mere blackness, and speculating out loud how we could have possibly gotten a black child. This is the worst part of being a parent in Egypt.

Q: What do you like to do with Maya here in Egypt?

Mike: I like to go for walks with her around the park and to push her on the swings at the club. When Cindy is on the weekend shift, I like making Maya lunch and the two of us sitting down and eating together, and having her "serve" me food from the bowl. She seems very concerned that I don't eat enough. Most importantly, I like to take naps with her on the weekend.

Q: What do you wish you could do with her here that you can't?

Mike: I grew up in a cold part of the U.S., so I have a lot of special childhood memories that are associated with weather. Hay rides before Halloween, carving pumpkins, making a scarecrow, apple picking. And then playing the snow. Sledding and making snow angels. That kind of thing. I miss that and I think that I'll miss it even more now that Maya's old enough she could do these kinds of things.

Q: What is it like to be a father in a conspicuous family?

Mike: As I said before, I don't really mind being conspicuous per se. I don't think I really mind people looking at us. When we were last in the U.S., I felt people looked at us, but I didn't feel it was negative. We are unusual, so we stand out. I'm comfortable with that. What I don't like is that here people assume and express negative or offensive ideas about why we're different.

Q: How do Egyptians respond to you as a father?

Mike: There is another major difference, but it is less visible, which is that although there are exceptions, raising children is mostly women's work here. It's not that men don't love their children. Actually many Egyptian men are really good at playing with kids and more relaxed around kids than some American men. But often playing with kids is all men will do here. Once a child cries or has a dirty diaper or needs to be fed, it's a woman's job. So I think my fathering style is very different from the norm here. I don't think that this really causes any particular reaction from Egyptians. I think most Egyptians are aware that gender roles are very different in the West. In this respect, they might have more of a live and let live attitude. My last comment on this is that at my office I helped write a family leave policy that allows parental leave rather than just maternity leave, because I took a lot of time off after we adopted Maya. But I'm curious if over the next five years any male staff members will ever take advantage of it.

Q: What do you look forward to as Maya grows older?


Mike: This is the one thing where my answer now is the same as it was on our original adoption applications. The older she gets, the more I'm getting to know her because the more personality she has. She is learning to talk now and I want to know what she has to say. I want to know what her opinions are. I want to know what she'll pick fights with me about. I want to know what she is going to be like with other people. So it's kind of like as she gets older, I'm getting to meet a very exciting person very slowly.

Q: Anything else you want to say?

Mike: No. That's it. Thank you for interviewing me so that now I've no longer been outdone by Mr. Four.